Ethics mismatch: What to do when it gets awkward

What do you do when your ethics don’t match that of your line manager?

A senior executive was aware that her boss, the CEO, was presenting a more positive picture of the company’s performance to the owners of the business than was the reality. She was aware of this and felt uncomfortable, however, she did not raise this with him or the owners.

A few months later the CEO left the organization, and her replacement started to unravel the data to discover the sub-par performance. The executive was annoyed with herself for not having had the courage to speak up at the time.

This story illustrates a common dilemma – individuals are confronted by what they deem to be unethical behavior by their boss and need to decide how they are going to act. Our morals are formed from a range of external influences such as, parents, schools, religion/spiritual, society, work. These values and principles act as filters for how we view the world and guide how we behave in different situations.

We have an emotional attachment to some of our values, so that when we encounter someone whose ethical standards are diametrically opposed to ours, we can react strongly to them. Consider the outrage that many of the British public have felt regarding (UK Prime Minister) Boris Johnson’s apparent breaking of his own COVID-19 rules.

Often our response to someone who has violated our values is to avoid them as much as possible.

However, this is not so easy to do when that person is your line manager. Here are some steps to go through that might help to determine whether to speak up about what might be unethical behavior.

How important is this?

This question can help us determine why the issue matters. Some questions to ask ourselves include, ‘what is the reaction I am having? What is this telling me?’ As a young manager, my boss asked me to lie about our performance figures to an important client. I felt that I needed to do what he asked. However, I walked away with that feeling of nerves that resides in your belly because it went against my value of integrity.

I could not shake that feeling and went back and told my manager that I could not do as he asked. I was incredibly nervous and worried, and my voice wobbled as I spoke, but I did it.  And he said ‘OK’. I was fortunate that I had a good relationship with him.

So, an important first step is to think through the consequences. What is the issue? Who will this affect? What are the short-term consequences? What could the longer-term consequences be? What are the pros and cons of addressing the issue? If you don’t address the issue, what will happen? How important is this to me? In my case it may not have had much of a long-term impact on others, but I could not have lived with myself.

If you decide that the cons outweigh the pros, you are left in an awkward situation. You may alleviate any stress you feel by confiding in people whom you trust so that you can still perform your work to the best of your ability. You also have the option to move to a new position that removes you from the vicinity of the manager, either inside or outside of the organization.

This requires you to have a reason for why you want to change jobs that shows you in a professional light. So, you need to be thoughtful about this.

Can I speak to my manager?

If you determine that you cannot bury your feelings, the action you take will depend on the quality of the relationship with your line manager. If your relationship is tricky or difficult, you may want to confide in HR and seek their advice of the best route forward. This will provide you with some aircover if you decide to report the suspected unethical act.

When you have a good relationship with your manager, you have the opportunity to talk directly with them to raise your concerns and hear their side of the story. You need to do this in a way that is non-accusatory.

Seek to understand

Often, we are not in possession of the full picture, and we make judgements based on what we know and infer. An important skill is to try to understand the perspective of the person behaving unethically. The questions I did not ponder were related to why my boss might be asking me to lie. What pressure was he under? What was at stake in terms of future business? His job? The workforce? New opportunities?

The more that we can understand the fuller context, the better informed our decision will be.

It is not easy to discuss potential wrongdoing with your line manager.  They have positional power that often makes us fearful of the consequences. Again, it may be helpful to speak in confidence to someone you trust to get another perspective first.

Rehearse

It is important to prepare for the conversation and practice what you will say so that you convey that you want to learn.

Reflect on your relationship with your manager – how do they respond to being questioned? What is the best way to have a productive conversation with them? How might they react to what you are enquiring about? This preparation helps you to frame the conversation in a way that will be heard.

The conversation is an opportunity for the line manager to give their perspective and potentially learn from you. They may not see their behavior as unethical. They may feel forced into a position they don’t like. They may be relieved that you have approached them.

It is important to be curious and ask open questions, such as, ‘Can you tell me more about…’ ‘I am curious about…’ ‘What was your reason for…’

This stance is more likely to get a positive response than if you declare that they have behaved unethically. Think of this as a dialogue. You need to be curious, open, demonstrate empathy, suspend judgement and be prepared to speak up. The latter approach will feel like an accusation and is more likely to be met with defensiveness.

Reflect

After the conversation take time to consider what you have learnt.  How does this affect your position?  What do you feel is the best course of action now?

This is an iterative process. Over each step of the way, be open to what you’re hearing and prepared to review your position either to speak up or remain quiet.

Final thoughts

Whichever way you go remember to show yourself compassion. It takes courage either way you decide. Allow yourself the grace to do nothing and accepting that this is all you can do in this moment.